Don't Leave
by ASightToBehold
Summary: Just a short story. An emotionally charged Rachel threatens to leave Quinn, but will she stop her? Will she let the woman she loves go?
1. Chapter 1

Don't Leave

"You see, this is our problem," she screams as she viciously opens the dresser drawers, snatches clothes out of them, and forces them into a suitcase. "God, you're so infuriating."

I don't know what to do. Should I fall on my knees and beg her to stay? Should I ask her to rethink her decision, while stealthily unpacking all of her packed belongings? Or should I just sit her and let her leave? My indecisiveness decides; I'll wait it out.

"Heartless, apathetic, asshole! You don't even care, do you?" She walks to the couch I'm sitting on and kneels down in front of me; her cheeks are pink, probably from anger and breathlessness, and tears are flowing down her face. She looks at me with such hurt in her eyes; it stirs something in me. "Did you ever care about me? Did you ever love me?...Are you going to try and stop me?" She speaks in almost a whisper.

I just stare at her. When she realizes that I'm not going to answer, she scoffs and shakes her head as if to say 'I should have known.' She gets up, zips her suitcase and slings it across her shoulder.

As I watch her walk towards the door, something pushes me to stand, so I do. I find myself walking towards her, closing in on her. Before she can open the front door, I grab her wrist; she doesn't turn to look at me. I run my hand up the strap to her suitcase, intentionally brushing my hand against her should because I want to feel her; I remove it and place it off to the side. Then I begin to slide her jacket off; her shoulders tremble, but she doesn't fight me.

"I don't want to do this with you anymore. I can't do this anymore," she tells me.

I take her jacket and toss it on top of the suitcase. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her body into mine; I can feel her inhale sharply.

"Please don't do this to me," she says with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not doing anything."

She unravels herself from me, turns around and leans against the door. "I can't keep doing this with you. It has to be different and we both know that it won't be…You only want me when you're losing me."

"That's not true."

She scoffs and then wipes tears from her eyes, "Then what do you call this Quinn?"

"This is me stopping you."

"Why? Why are you stopping me now? Why not when I first opened my suitcase? Why not when I was threatening to leave? Why not when I told you about that job offer I got in New York?"

"Because you were giving me an ultimatum. You wanted me to make a decision on our future when you know that I don't like to think that far ahead."

"Well I can't be here as long as it suits you. I need to know what our future looks like."

"Isn't it enough that I want you now?" I ask moving closer to her.

She shakes her head, "I need more than that."

I stand in front of her. For a moment she looks at me, but then she turns away. I lean in and claim her lips; she kisses me back, but almost immediately she retreats and pushes me away. I try to bring her back into me, but she pushes me away again.

"Please, don't do this to me," she pleads.

I move to her, trapping her body in between mine and the door. "I love you," I say, but she doesn't look at me. Her breath hitches and her eyes begin to water more than they were before. "I love you," I say again, "Will you please look at me?"

She shakes her head 'no'. I rest one of my hands on her waist, the other I use to cup her cheek. She still averts her gaze, but because of our proximity I can feel the increase of her heartbeat…or maybe mine; I can't tell.

"I was thinking about you, about us while you were yelling at me and packing your things. I thought that I was okay with the idea of you leaving. But when I say you walk away from me, something inside of me…broke. You know I'm no good at feelings, but I think that what I felt was heartbreak…I love you. I need you. And I want you. Only you." I lean in to kiss her again and she returns the kiss feverishly. She whimpers against my lips as I take her bottom lip in between my teeth.

She wraps her arms around my neck and I push her against the front door.

"Don't let me go," she pleads in between kisses.

I pull her head back so that I can look her in the eyes, "I don't know what the future holds for us, but what I feel right now doesn't feel like something that can just be let go. I know I can be difficult, but promise me that you'll stay with me. And I'll promise that I will always try to stop you."

She chuckles a little, before leaning in and kissing me deeply and softly; I feel almost lightheaded. "I promise." We exchange smiles and then I lean in to capture her lips again. "I want you to do something else for me, Quinnie."

I chuckle at the nickname she gave me, "What can I do for Rach?"

She wraps her arms around my neck and looks me directly in the eye, "Take me to bed."


	2. Chapter 2

Don't Leave

**Part Two**

6 months later

(R POV)

"Are you sure you don't think about her anymore?" she asks as she moves closer to me. I can feel her breath on my neck.

"I'm positive," I say. I must've repeated it enough times that I've finally convinced myself. I believe it now, and I'm content with that. I pull the bed sheet over my exposed breasts and turn into her arms. I reach my hand up and run it through her brilliant red hair, "I love _you_ Jamie."

She leans over and kisses the top of my forehead, "I love you too Rachel." I instinctively close my eyes

*A week later*

"We're so glad to have you on the show tonight, Ms. Berry," says television host Freddie Wolfe.

"Please call me Rachel," I say sweetly.

"Ok, Rachel so I hear you'll be starting a new production soon. Not only are you the leading lady but you are also taking part in its inception, am I right?"

"You are 100% correct Mr. Wolfe. I wanted to try something new. It'll be nerve-wracking and exciting to act scenes that I've helped to write, dialogue that I've contributed. So I'm very anxious for rehearsals to start."

"Well, the rest of the world and I are anxiously waiting to see this production of yours. Now…to the dirty details," he says mischievously and the studio audience begins to ooh.

Rachel shakes her head knowingly, "I was waiting for it. I knew this was going to happen."

"You're one of the most beautiful and, perhaps eligible, women ever to hit the media. So of course, I had to ask for the good of my viewers," he finishes and receives a round of laughter from the studio audience. "So is it true that you have recently split from your longtime girlfriend Ms. Quinn Fabray?"

"Yes, it is true," she says forcing herself to reign in her emotions.

"That's terrible, but all you ladies out there," he pauses and gives a suggestive look towards Rachel; the audience laughs at his antics, "she's single."

Rachel clears her throat, "Not quite."

"Damn!" someone shouts from the audience and the room erupts in laugher.

"Well, Rachel you know how to bounce back quick, don't you?"

Rachel shuffles somewhat uncomfortably, "well it gets to a point when you can do nothing but move on; when there's no point in fixing something that won't work. And it was a long time coming."

"Oooh, it seems like you're harboring some ill-will towards Ms. Fabray," Freddie speculates.

"Oh no, not at all. What happened between us is private. The reason for our break-up is private. But I will tell you that Quinn was a very important person in my life and I'm sure that once we both have time to acclimate to this change, we may be able to salvage our friendship."

"That's so sweet," the audience collectively awes, "but I'd like to get back to what you said earlier. So if you're no longer single, who's the fresh meat?"

"I won't give out her name because she lives a simple life, out of the spotlight and we would like to keep it that way. I will say, however, that I've never been happier."

I exit the stage and then the building. I sit in a car with my manager and I can't help but question myself. 'I've never been happier'…but am I really happy? Or is this an illusion? Some pathetic attempt to make myself think I'm okay, when I know deep down nothing can assuage this heartbreak. No. No! I am happy. I am not some sad, broken little girl. I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who loves and appreciates me. What more could I ask for?

"I forgot to mention that you have a photo shoot tomorrow," Kurt, my manager, informs me.

"What time?"

"10:00am sharp," he replies, reading the email confirmation on his phone.

"Photographer?" I ask looking out the window.

Silence.

I look at him, "Kurt, who is the photographer?"

"You're going to hate me, but-"

"Kurt, tell me you didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

He sighs, "You and I both know that she's the best photographer in town…Never mind the personal history, this is about business and your image. She is the best person to for the job. I told her that you would act professional and she agreed to do the same."

I turn away from him and stare out the window. I'm so angry…yet nervous. A small part of me wants to see her.

**-break-**

I walk into the photo shoot with my head held high. I chant to myself 'You can do this. You can do this. Act normal.' But really, what is normal? I'm quickly ushered into hair and make-up where they put me in some skimpy lace number. I chew the inside of my lip thinking 'I wonder who chose this outfit.' Doesn't matter. If anything, she'll see what she's been missing. I walk out of my dressing room and to the primary shooting area, a modern living room with a vibrant, red armchair.

"Please, have a seat."

I shiver after hearing her voice for the first time in months. I hate myself for reacting that way. I continue on my way and sit down in the chair with my legs across one of the arm rest.

"How do you want me?" I ask within an unintentionally husk.

She bites her lip and looks down. Then she looks up into my eyes and says, "You're perfect where you are." She raises her camera and begins to shoot.

After about an hour and a handful of costume and location changes, the shoot is over. As I'm leaving the building, Quinn is nowhere to be found; I try not to care.

I exit the building, then walk down the stairs. I put my hands in my jacket pocket, turn onto the sidewalk, but then I stop abruptly. There she is; leaning against a black car, smoking a cigarette. Against my better judgment, I walk towards her.

"I thought you quit," I say to her.

She looks at me, then inhales deeply on the cigarette and exhales the smoke slowly, "Well I was never any good at quitting things."

I look away because I know what she's trying to say; I know what she's doing. I won't let her. I nod my head and I turn to walk away.

"Rachel, I just want to talk."

I keep walking. I don't look back. She stops chasing me.

3 months later

Things with Jamie and I are going excellent. She came to see my show tonight, front row; she even sent me an enormous bouquet of flowers. I look over and see a single gardenia sitting on my vanity; it has a letter attached to it. I sit down in the chair and open the letter.

'_You were always the brightest star. –Q'_

I am furious. She came! She came without my permission. How could she possibly think that that's right? That she can just swoop in and woo me with suave words and pretty flowers. I just want to yell at her and I know where to find her.

I walk to the alley behind the building (where we used to make-out when Kurt banned Quinn from coming to see me before performances; they always had to re-do my make-up). I open the back door, turn, and then I see her leaning against the wall, smoking…again. I stomp over to her, snatch the cigarette out of her mouth and throw it on the ground.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yell at her.

"Smoking."

I shake my head disbelievingly at her and I begin to walk away; but I'm so angry, I stop and go back to her. "I'm so sick and tired of your fucking mind games, Quinn. You don't get to leave me and then show up when I've finally moved on. This isn't you still being in love with me, this is you being possessive and I'm no one's property but my own."

"I wish I could say the same, but I haven't been mine since January 27, 2006." Quinn says and it's then that I notice that I'm up against the wall and she's trapping me there.

I gulp audibly, "You remembered?"

"The day we met…I could never forget."

We just stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. I want to find truth and sincerity in her eyes, but I'm scared. I'm scared of not finding it, or even worse finding it in abundance so I stop. I employ my defense mechanism—I act.

"That doesn't mean anything," I say to her in as firm a voice that I can muster. Then I push her away from me and walk back inside the building.

**-break-**

"Britt, please help me. I'm just so confused."

"What's there to be confused about? You love her, she obviously loves you. Be together," Brittany responds.

"Is it that obvious?" I ask feeling pathetic. She nods her head in affirmation; I throw myself on her living room couch, "And she doesn't love me. She couldn't…not after what she did to me."

"Rachel, honey, you can't throw away a six year relationship because of a stupid kiss," Brittany says moving to sit beside me.

"It's not a stupid kiss; it's _the_ stupid kiss that ruined our relationship. She kissed another girl Brittany, she probably would have slept with her too had I not walked into her office."

Brittany scoffs, "Come on Rachel, this is Quinn we're talking about here. She would never do that to you. It's not like you ever gave her a chance to explain."

"That wasn't necessary, I saw it all."

Brittany holds Rachel's hands in hers, "You can't keep blaming Quinn; you're just as guilty. You need to start taking a little responsibility for what you did."

"What did I do?" I ask incredulously.

"I know you probably twisted it up in your head, but you left her Rachel. It was your decision, not hers. Now you either talk to her or learn to live with it, ok."

I look down at my lap. "I know you still love her, you just need to figure out that you still do."

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I look at Brittany, "Don't you think I already know that?"

She wraps her arms around me and I cry into her shoulder.

"Baby you can't do this," Jamie pleads with me.

"I'm so sorry, but I just need to be alone right now. I need to figure out how I feel."

"For me or for Quinn?" she asks me accusingly.

I know I have to be honest with her, "for both of you."

She shakes her head and begins to walk out the door, "I can't wait for you forever."

"I don't expect you to."

1 month later

I was sitting on my couch thinking. Being alone for a while had really done me some good. I was starting to feel like myself again and not like this ticking emotional time bomb. I wasn't Rachel and Quinn or Rachel and Jamie; I was just Rachel and I was happy…or at the very least content. I look at a picture on my nightstand; it's a picture of a park bench. I grab it and hold it close to inspect it. Then I realize I'm crying when tears start to fall onto the glass. I feel so stupid crying at a framed picture of an empty park bench, but it's not just any park bench. It's _the_ bench where Quinn and I first kissed; it's where she asked me to be her girlfriend; it's basically where 'we' began. I'm bombarded by different emotions, I feel like I've been hit by a train; I need to see her.

So here I am pounding furiously at her door in the middle of the night. It's pouring outside, I'm completely soaked and I don't care.

Quinn opens the door; when she sees me her face contorts in confusion.

"Tell me, that it's going to be different; that we will be different."

She crosses her arms, "we won't be different."

I let a strangled cry and begin to turn to walk away.

"If we were different then we wouldn't work at all."

I stop where I am and turn to face her, "that's the problem Quinn, we weren't working."

She nods her head and pauses for a moment, "I want to marry you." She uncrosses her arms and walks to me, "I wanted to marry you and for the longest time I knew that I would."

I shake my head; I don't understand. "Why-"

"Quinn, this place is amazing," says a woman's voice coming from inside Quinn's house. I look past her and see a brunette woman in a tight dress standing in the door way; I look back at Quinn and she has her head down. I briskly begin to walk away.

"Rachel stop, it's not what it looks like."

"It's always what it looks like," my voice a mixture between anger and hurt.

"God dammit Rachel, will you just listen to me," she yells at me. I stop. "Mary is my realtor…I'm selling my house."

I quickly turn around, "You're moving? Where?"

"England…I figured I needed to get away."

"Away from what?"

"From who," she corrects me.

I walk to her, "no, no, no, don't blame me for your decision to leave; it's always your decision. You did this to us." I say pointing an accusatory finger in her chest. I know I'm only saying it to be mean, but I want to make her feel as bad as I have, as I do.

"How long are you going to make me suffer for a kiss that I didn't instigate or want? How long are you going to be pissed that I let you go when you left me? You have no idea how I feel Rachel and that's always been our problem!"

"I have no idea because you never tell me. I can't read your mind!"

"Just because I don't like to talk about it, doesn't mean that I don't feel it. I know that that's my fault, but what happened to us is yours too. You assumed that I don't feel for you at all." She turns from me and begins pacing in the middle of the street. "I fucking loved you Rachel. I still love you. Do you know how hard it is to be in the same city as you and not be able to _be_ with you? You want to know how I feel? I'll tell you," she walks towards me and I back away from her, "I feel purposeless and numb. I feel all the time. I feel _pain_ all the time. You were the one, Rachel. You _are_ the one. But I can't make you be with me. And I can't live here remembering the life that we had together in this city and in that fucking house. I need to get away from everything that reminds me of you because it's killing me. What more do you want from me? What more can I do?... I was prepared to wait for you forever, but I know when I've lost. I didn't want to accept that fact that you're not mine anymore. And I shouldn't have to live with all the blame because you don't want to. It's not fair. I have this hole in my heart, this black hole and it's sucking me in. There's no more of me left to give to you; I've given it all and you don't want it. And I've accepted that now…I can't let my misery dictate the rest of my life. I can't spend the rest of my life being angry and upset; I need to do something…I need to go, Rachel."

I want to cry…I want to cry so bad. I feel like a monster. I can't believe I did this to her…I did this. A tear escapes me and I hastily wipe it away, "So that's it then?"

Quinn shakes her head disbelievingly at me, "I guess it is." She says raising her hands in defeat. She turns her back to me, and I begin to walk away. I feel like I can't breathe, like I don't have control over my body. I wipe furiously at my eyes as the tears start flowing.

"No," I hear her say and I stop walking. I hear her footsteps; I know she's right behind me.

"This is not it. This is not what I want. I feel like something is choking me; like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. But I know that no matter how shitty I feel, I can't stand not trying one last time." She moves to stand in front of me, "Rachel, I love you," she says her voice cracking. "There is so much that I want to say to you, that I need to say to you. I didn't want her. I never wanted her. I only want you. I know you think I just fuck a bunch of different girls, but that stopped when I met you. I never cheated on you. I couldn't be with anyone else even after you left me because it didn't feel right. No one feels right. Don't you understand?"

I can hear her crying, but I don't want to look up. I can't look at her because I know that I'll just fall back into her…But what's so bad about that? I'm terrified, but I don't know of what. So I just keep looking down.

"Please, Rach say something; say anything. Tell me you hate me; tell me you love that girl you've been seeing; tell you me you love some average Joe you met one day at a coffee shop. Just tell me something…I know that I would wait forever for you, but please don't make me."

I don't know what to say, "I-I don't know why I came here," I say and I can feel her chest deflate because of how close we're standing. "I wanted to say so many things to you. I wanted to apologize for what I did to us, for never giving you a chance to explain, for always walking away from you. I needed to tell you something, but it doesn't seem like enough anymore. And after hearing what I put you through, I could never say enough to make up for that."

"What did you want to tell me?" she says, I can feel her looking at me. "Rach," she says softly, "look at me." I still refuse to look at her, so she guides my chin up until my eyes meet hers. Looking at her, at the sadness in her eyes, it makes me cry and I have to look away. "No, don't. Look at me Rach." I take a few deep breathes and I look at her. "What did you want to tell me? What was so important that you came to my house in the middle of the night to tell me?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. It can't fix what I did to us," I say wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Stop avoiding the question and stop being defensive. Just tell me, please."

"That I'm sorry."

"You've already said that."

"That I'm a terrible person. That I don't deserve you."

"Ok," Quinn says shaking her head. She steps closer to me, "I'm going to kiss you now. If you don't want me to, I suggest you push me away."

Before I can protest, she swoops down and presses her lips softly against mine. My breath hitches and my eyes clench shut. I miss this. I miss her. She wraps her arms around my waist, lifting me up into her and I grab onto her neck. She nips on my bottom lip, begging for entrance, but I push her away.

She sighs, "I understand-"

I lean up and kiss her firmly, "Shut up. Just give me a minute." We stand there in the middle of the street, soaking wet. We're so close that I can feel her heart beat or mine, I can't tell. I close my eyes and let the emotions take over me because for the first time in a long time I feel right. "I can't even begin to summarize how I feel right now. There are so many things that are flying around in my head, and the only sense that I can make out of any of it is that," I look into her eyes, "I love you…I need you. I don't want anyone else. I can't live without you anymore. I'm so sorry, so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

She leans down and kisses with me with such vigor that my knees go weak. She slips her tongue into my mouth and I moan at the contact. She grabs onto my waist and the feeling makes me gasps. She stops kissing me, but doesn't move far; I can feel her lips on mine when she begins to speak, "Just promise me one thing," she says.

"Anything," I say playing with the little wisps of her on the nape of her neck.

"Next time you see someone kissing me, please just give me a chance to explain that it _really _isn't what it looks like," she says with a lighthearted chuckle.

"It's not funny," I say.

"It's a little funny," Quinn says. She pulls me close to her and nudges her head into the crook of my neck; I hold her.

"I really do love you, you know? More than anything." she says.

"I know, sweetie. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize it, but I know that it was always there." I place a lingering kiss on her neck, "I love you too Quinn, I'll always love you."


End file.
